I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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