you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
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You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
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to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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