i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
