Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Are we still banned from the library?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
