chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
