just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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