turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
