break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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