PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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