My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I stole a fireplace last night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My vagina just clenched in fear
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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