thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
