I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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