i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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