I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
