This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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