i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
