Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
