dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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