so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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