Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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