And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
