Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
