Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
my liver is dry heaving
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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