I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
