you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
