He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
