Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I did not marry a roomba.
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