omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
