And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
