Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
