i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
