I just cut my nipple shaving
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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