A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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