I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
