Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
