let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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