and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
