remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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