and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
