He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Actions speak louder than pants.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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