good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
