If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
