If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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