K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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