Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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