Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
