Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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