We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Houston, we have a squirter
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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