I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
