it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
im drinking this country out of the recession.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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