I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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