OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
