Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
