Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
