I just pynch a tree in the face
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
