i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
