Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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