the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
