I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
