she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
