We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
