i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
