I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
