PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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