oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
