I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
