I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
