I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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