I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
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and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize