i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
